I’ve posted mystery fiction, science fiction, horror fiction but this is Fan Fiction. The main characters , first in a 1920’s novel by Thorne Smith, were in a 1950’s T.V. series. The series, oddly enough, never did a Halloween episode, so here it is! Happy Halloween, everybody!
Topper Tricks or Treats
By Jeff Baker
“George, Marion, you can’t be serious!” Cosmo Topper said. “Real ghosts going trick-or-treating!”
“Why not?” Marion Kirby said. “Why should little kids have all the fun?”
“Free candy! Doesn’t get any better than that!” George Kirby said, sipping a martini from the sidebar.
“What are you two going to do, knock on people’s doors and ask for scotch?” Topper asked, thinking about a martini himself.
“Woof!”
“Might have known that would get your attention,” Topper said to the big, transparent dog sitting on the floor.
“We’ve got an old trick-or-treat bag,” Marion said.
“Yes, but you’re forgetting one thing, nobody can see or hear you except me,” Topper said.
“That’s why we need you to come with us, Toppy,” said George.
“What? No, never! Not even if you two wear sheets and hold up cards with ‘Boo’ written on them.” Topper said.
“Aw, ‘c’mon!” Marion said. “It’ll be fun!”
“Never!” Topper said. “I’m too old, for one. It’s after work for another and if we need candy I’ll go buy some at the store, not go begging. And that,” he said glaring at Neil who was looking up with big, doggy eyes, “is final.”
Topper walked along the sidewalk a block away from his house carrying a trick-or-treat bag.
“Look, Toppy!” Marion said, pointing to a sign. “A haunted house!”
“Looks like fun! Let’s go!” George said.
“Why?” Topper said. “I already live in a haunted house.”
“The sign says they give treats at the end!” George said.
“Well, all right,” Topper said. “But let me carry your trick-or-treat bags. There will be enough spooky things going on without paper sacks floating in the air.”
“How many, bub?” said the kid taking tickets at the haunted house.
“Three,” Topper said.
“Woof!”
“Four, I mean.”
“I only see one of you,” the kid said.
“Oh, right.” Topper said. “Anyway, one is probably cheaper.”
Inside was a maze of corridors divided by some artificial walls.
“Stick close together you two” Topper said.
“Where’s the part with the treats?” George said.
“Hey! Look what Neil found!” Marion said. The big St. Bernard was growling at a stairwell in which was poised a full-sized werewolf.
“I think that’s a fake, old boy,” George said. “Here, let’s have a look at it.”
George and Marion hoisted the werewolf from the stairwell and held it up for Topper’s inspection. At that moment, three of the house’s costumed employees, a vampire, a masked man carrying a chainsaw and a hoodlum in a sleeveless shirt with a baseball bat turned the corner, ready to frighten more customers.
“Oh, is this yours?” Topper asked.
What the three men saw was a large werewolf floating in mid-air in front of a man in a business suit carrying three trick-or-treat bags. The three men ran off in a panic as the werewolf floated towards them.
“Oh, for goodness sakes you two,” Topper said. “Put that down and let’s go home. We’ve got enough candy and I think there’s some gin at the house.”
Anyone on a certain street that Halloween evening would have seen a strange sight; a man in a suit and matching hat walking with two trick-or-treat bags which were bouncing along in mid-air ahead of him.
—end—
authorjeffbaker 