Toil and Trouble—Monday Flash Fics for August 14, 2017

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AUTHOR’S NOTE: Didn’t have a lot of time so I tried another drabble this week. Actually influenced by a dream from years ago that may be turned into a longer story. Until then, enjoy! ——- Jeff

Toil and Trouble

By Jeff Baker

 

 

“Four customers flew out the window?” Mr. Hedley asked.

“Uh, yeah,” Skip said. “Towards the mountain.”

“What happened?”

“Well, they were toasting something, some team and then they just rose up. I mean, they rose up and flew away!” Skip said.

“What did they order?” Hedley asked.

“The House Special. Four mugs.” Skip said.

“You make it the usual way? Green beer and tequila?”

“Nah,” Skip said. “I used the stuff in the keg downstairs.”

“Downstairs?” Hedley asked.

“Yeah,” Skip said. That big barrel labeled Witches’ Brew. You know, the House Special.”

Mr. Hedley rolled his eyes.

 

—end—

 

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“Dog Run.” Monday Flash Fic for August 7, 2017.

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Author’s Note: I hadn’t tried a drabble before. That’s a story 100 words, no more, no less (counting the title.) So, I tried one.

                                                 Dog Run

                                               By Jeff Baker

 

            “Okay,” I said. “We’d better head back.”

            Ralph, being a dog, didn’t say anything, jogging right ahead of me.

            “It’d be easier if we were the last survivors of World War Three,” I said as we headed back home along the beach. “Or if we were on the run from the law or the mob or from space aliens. But no, I have to go back to work tomorrow. Nine to five. Office. But you know something? I think we got it pretty good.”

            Ahead, Ralph looked back, seeming to smile as his tail gave a joyful wag.

 

                                                 —end—

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“The Devil’s Bride.” Monday Flash Fics” for July 31, 2017.

20264941_10155498927174787_4997893962836463904_n                                             Author’s Note: This may owe a little to a story by E. Nesbit.

                                            The Devil’s Bride

                                                By Jeff Baker

 

            “You ever hear about the Devil’s Bride?” Burt asked.

            “Naaah,” Colin said.

            “It goes back about 250 years,” Burt said. “Back to Colonial days.”

            “Yeah?” Colin said, cracking open another beer and looking up at the stars.

            “There was this girl,” Burt said. “Her father was a rich landowner who wanted to get richer, so he betrothed his daughter to a Prince From Across the Sea.”

            “And?” Colin asked. This was getting good.

            “The Prince showed up,” Burt said. “He was handsome, charming and threw gold around like it was dandruff. He and his new fiancée decided to get married at her father’s estate. But then the bride-to-be started to get a bad feeling about the whole thing.”

            “How so?” Colin said, sipping his beer.

            “The prospective groom made some changes to the ceremony. He intended to perform the ceremony himself; he wanted the bride to wear a wedding gown of his own design, a design which included being draped with a mourning veil with a crown of steel spikes. And, instead of rice, he wanted everyone to toss pinches of dirt he said were from an unconsecrated burial ground in Europe.”

            “Woah!” Colin said.

            “The bride pulled out of the wedding…” Burt said.

            “Smart girl,” Colin said.

            “…but the story is, you still see her wandering through these woods in her gown searching…for…her…lost…groom!” Burt’s voice had gotten creepy with a cackle. “Of course, I never believed that part,” he said in a normal voice. “After all if she didn’t want to marry this Prince 250 years ago she probably wouldn’t change her mind.”

            The wind began to whip up.

            “It’s the groom you have to feel sorry for,” Burt said.

            “How so?” Colin said finishing his beer.

            A mist began to creep across the ground.

            “The Prince was the one who got dumped,” Burt said.

            It was beginning to get cooler.

            “He’s more likely the one still waiting, still searching.” Burt said. “After two-and-a-half centuries…”

            A distant bell began to toll.

            Colin looked up; there were no clouds but the stars were somehow gone. Burt towered over him, the fog wrapping around him like a veil, a shadowy tower of spikes crowning his head.

Colin dropped his beer, his jaw slack as Burt reached towards him, a low voice emanating from where his face had been.

            “After all, there are many ways to find a bride…”

 

                                                –end—

           

 

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Maybe part of a serial novel for Monday Flash Fics, July 24, 2017

20139623_10155474210544787_2117646309121556011_n Note: This is a continuation of “The Forest” which I posted Nov. 21, 2016. The story extended a bit after what I posted, including the introduction of the guarding Treekeepers and the Messengers as well as The Place of Owls, the structure in the Great Tree where the Caretaker stays. Ezidiah is told to wait as the strangers enter the Great Tree.

                                          The Keeper of the Owl

By Jeff Baker

 

 

 

            I stood there for a few minutes after the strangers followed the Messengers into the Great Tree. I stared up at the top branches, then at the ground. Then I hopped over to one of the connecting trees and debated waiting on the strangers return or on heading over to the shop to see if I could buy a bag of nuts and get back to the Great Tree before the strangers finished their audience with the caretaker. But, I had been instructed to wait. I sat down on the branch where I could watch the sunlight move through the branches of the Great Tree. I wrapped my arm around the trunk of the tree I was sitting in as I was feeling drowsy.

            I glanced up with a start; something was moving in the branches near me! I glanced to my side, the side opposite the Great Tree. There, swinging and leaping from branch to branch, tree to tree was a group of lithe young men and women in blue garb—The River! No one was held in higher esteem than these Messengers charged with supplying the community with water.

            I stared as they swiftly maneuvered through the trees, each one with a jug of water strapped to their backs, some carrying sealed globes filled with water. I would more likely be made Caretaker than to be trusted with precious water for a swing through the trees. I was still using both hands. And, wonder of wonders, they regularly left the Forest and walked on the ground!

            The River bounded out of my sight. I sighed and leaned back against the trunk, closing my eyes.

            Not much time had passed, judging from the movement of the shadows on the ground, when I heard a voice call my name. I quickly moved to one of the branches of the Great Tree and found, not a Messenger, but a Treekeeper. I stared at his uniform; at the thick leather belt draped with rope, a slingshot and a large knife which hung low at his side.

            I asked him if he’d called me.

            “Your presence is requested,” the Treekeeper said. I must have just stared, for he made his request more formal.

            “In the name of the Caretaker, I am called to usher you into the Great Tree to be under the gaze of the Owl.”

 

                                    —end—

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“Night Class.” Monday Flash Fics for July 17, 2017.

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                                                 Night Class

                                                 By Jeff Baker

                                               

           

            Feb. 1.

            Dear Mom and Dad:

            Hi! Greetings from your college boy! The football season is now over and Coach wants us to knuckle down this semester. He gave us a list of extra classes we could take and I picked one. Coach says we have to show up but it’s no sweat. We will pass as long as we show up. I’ve never been in a class in McAdoo Hall before, I don’t think I’ve ever been inside. We used to jog around it in the morning. It’s on the north corner of the campus. Big stone building next to the graveyard. Kind of spooky! (Ha-Ha!)

            This class is in the evening, and I showed up a couple of minutes late, just as they were sitting down and the teacher, Professor Lucien was rolling up this flag so I guess they were saying the Pledge of Allegiance. Nice to see that people still do that! They keep the room kind of dark (saving money for Football! Yay!) And the flag looked kind of red and black.

            I apologized for being late, and Professor Lucien said I could sign my name in blood later (Funny guy!). He also said that most of the work was going to be in-class anyway. He pointed me out to the class and said “Now we have someone on the football team.” The class applauded and I felt proud.

            Well, I’m up late! Better get to sleep, got more classes tomorrow!

            Your Son,

            Bruno.

            February 19.

            Dear Mom and Dad:

            Well, I missed my night class last week. I fell asleep after dinner. The thing was, the class was going to meet after midnight for, I guess, a field trip. Professor Lucien had said we were going to “Summon ball.” I’d never heard it called that before, but I was all for playing ball. The basketball team does a midnight practice but this was going to be off-campus. I apologized to Professor Lucien (who is never on campus during the day) He said we needed the whole class plus him. (Did I tell you the class is small, only twelve students plus Professor Lucien?) He said we would do it next month when the moon was right. This class must be getting into astronomy too.

            Professor Lucien said something familiar; that we were all going to be making sacrifices. That sounds like what Coach always tells us!

            I better let you go! Gotta study!

            Your Son,

            Bruno 

 

            March 10.

            Dear Mom and Dad:

            By now you heard about the mess with the football program. They fired Coach and disbanded the program and a lot of us transferred out. That is why this letter is coming to you from Keller College and not Argo State. Luckily my scholarship transferred too. I’ll have to redshirt next year, but I will be on the team my senior year! Go team!

            I’m doing okay in my classes here, and I have one souvenir. Professor Lucien just up and left, I guess they were investigating some of the professors too, so I still have one thing he gave me for the midnight field trip we never did. Cute little fella, I guess he was going to be the class mascot. I don’t know where the Professor went, so I have no way to send him anything, so I guess I have a pet now. They said his name is Nicky, and I’ll send you pictures. Like I said, he’s a cute little fella.

            I’ve never seen a black goat before!

            Your son,

            Bruno.

 

                                                   —end—

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Monday Flash Fics for July 10, 2017; “Whose Woods These Are.”

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                                 Whose Woods These Are

                                           By Jeff Baker

 

            I remember the chill in the air, I remember it being refreshing. I remember the orange surrounding us, like painted walls of a room. I remember the trees standing on either side of us, like they’d parted to make way.

            And I remember my Father standing as tall as one of those trees, walking by my side.

            I must have been about three, and I assume I’m remembering it now because my Father, now gone these many years, is about to become a Grandfather. I do not know how he would react, let alone what he would think of this world of cellphones and interconnectivity but I know one thing; when my son or daughter is old enough, we will come here for a walk among the trees, emblazoning the golden leaves into memory.

 

                                                           —end—

                                   

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“On Board the Ghannidor-Ra,” Monday Flash Fics for July 3, 2017

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On Board the Ghannidor Ra

                                             By Jeff Baker

                                        

 

            I never found out whether I had been apprenticed or sold, but at the time it didn’t matter. I had just turned sixteen and my Great Uncle (who was the Patriarch of our family) took me in to The Holy Sword. I had been in the tavern before, usually with my Father for a meal, but I thought my Great Uncle was going to share the traditional celebratory glass as I had reached the Age of Ascension. Not that Ascension would do me much good as I was the younger son of the youngest son, and my future, as I imagined it, involved nothing loftier than being apprenticed to a merchant or working in the fields. Perhaps betrothals to the younger daughter or son of a family more prosperous than my own parents were.

            I did not notice the stir when Besseron entered the tavern, and my life for that matter. I had reciting the tribute in answer to the one my Great Uncle had recited to me and had drank the small glass or the cool, sweet liquid somehow warming me when I realized that there was a quiet which suddenly swept over the room. My Great Uncle was talking and so I had to give him my full attention but I caught a glimpse of a tall, powerful figure out of the corner of my eye. I suddenly realized I could see behind me in the mirror.

            The first thing I noticed was the sword. That and the tattoo on his powerfully-muscled arm. His garb looked like the usual attire favored by merchants and tradesmen but with a hodgepodge of styles from various regions. His ears were long and tapered, not trimmed and filed like mine and most city or town dwellers. He was leaning against the doorway of The Holy Sword, smoking the sort of thin pipe that I had seen sailors smoke. His own sword was in a long, leather scabbard at his side. I had trained myself to notice things and I saw the man’s eyes looking about the room.

            My Great-Uncle raised a hand and for a moment I wondered why he would need to signal for one of the serving-people when we were actually sitting at the bar when, to my surprise, the man with the sword walked in to the Tavern and up to where we were sitting. My Great-Uncle introduced him as Besseron and he had the attitude of someone whose name was widely known. But I had spent my sixteen years mainly among my family, so I was not as familiar as I should have been with the outside world. Besseron, I noticed, smelled of spices and smoke and he and my Great-Uncle began to talk with him in low tones and I became distracted by the sight of a cat in the open doorway, its eyes yellow and gleaming.

            It’s done, then,” Besseron said in a firm voice. “Have you a name, Boy?” This was the first time he had addressed me directly.

            “Aris, Sir,” I said cautiously.

            “Aris,” my Great-Uncle said. “Your future has been arranged. You will go with him now.”

            “Yes, Patriarch,” I said, realizing that my life was changing fast.

            “But we must go quickly, young Aris,” Besseron said. “My vessel is docked near here, and we must be off before the Night Watch gets a close look at the Ghannidor-Ra.”

            That should have been my first clue, but I did not grasp it at the time. Through the offices of my Great-Uncle and Patriarch, I had fallen in with pirates!

 

                                                     —end—

 

This one swelled up again—I have about another page and it will probably become a novelette or novella sometime. This version is a condensed version. (I don’t even bring the pirate ship on stage in this version!)

Posted in Fantasy, Fiction, Monday Flash Fiction, Science Fiction, Uncategorized, World of Three Moons | 2 Comments

How to succeed in small business. Monday Flash Fiction for June 26, 2017 by Jeff Baker

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                                              Old Sam

                                           By Jeff Baker

                                         

            “I still don’t believe you have the key to this place,” Nick said as his brother fumbled with the door.

            “I still don’t believe we paid all that money for this place,” Phil said, finally getting the old lock to turn. “First thing we do…”

            “New locks.” Nick said as the old, wooden door opened with a shuddering CLUNK!

            The two of them stepped in the big room under the weathered sign that had proclaimed some kind of soft drink years ago when the street had been the main highway. Inside it wasn’t as dark as Phil had expected. Light was streaming in around the boarded-up windows. He could make out a counter, a few tables and some shelves.

            Nick shone the light from his cellphone on the ceiling, floors and the doorway to the kitchen.

            “You sure the building’s okay?” Phil asked. “Structurally, I mean?”

            “Yeah. I was only in here once but I had it checked out.” Nick said. Nick was thorough that way. “Me, I can’t believe Dad used to come in here before we were born.”

            “A lot of people used to,” Phil said. “Back before they opened the highway. Still think we can make a go of this place?”

            “Now that they’ve opened an off-ramp down the street,” Nick said felling around the wall. He flipped a switch.

            “Hey! The lights work!” Phil said.

            “Uh huh. Wiring is in good shape,” Nick said. “Plumbing works too. This place will make a nice restaurant, with stuff for the travelers.”

            “You know what else is in good shape?” Phil said. “I don’t think there’s any dust around here.”

            “Wha?” Nick said. “The place isn’t dirty but it’s been shut up tight for about thirty-five…” He ran his finger on a counter. “Sunofagun! No dust!”

            “I kept the place clean. I hope you don’t mind,” came the voice from behind them. The two brothers wheeled around. There was an old man in coveralls standing in the doorway to the kitchen, wiping his hands on a rag. Before they could react the old man went on.

            “I’m Sam Gardner. I used to work here. Handyman. Doing odd jobs, whatever. They call me Old Sam. Oh, and you’ll have to replace that garbage disposal. I’ve tried working on it but it’s just no good anymore.”

            “Nick Harris,” Nick said warily, thankful for the stun gun clipped to his belt. “This is my brother, Phil.”

            Phil waved and said “Hey.”

            “I just bought the place,” Nick said.

            Í know,” said Old Sam. “You seem like nice kids. I was wondering if you’d sort of keep me around. I’m a pretty good handyman and since I’m retired I wouldn’t really charge much.” He grinned broadly. “Maybe an occasional piece of pie though.”

            “We don’t really need a handyman,” Nick said. “What we need is a new dishwasher. That one in the kitchen is at least forty-five years old and I couldn’t get it to work…”

            “All fixed,” Old Sam said. “Works fine now.”

            Nick and Phil looked at each other for a second then went into the kitchen with Old Sam following and sure enough the dishwasher now worked “as good as new,” as Old Sam described it. When Nick finished trying out and examining the dishwasher to his satisfaction, he stood up, smiled and shook his head.

            “Amazing!” Nick said.

            “Now, I will tell you, I’m not very good with those modern computers, but I’m a whiz with the kind of gadgets you have around here.”

            “That’s what I have Phil for,” Nick said.

            Before he could say anything more, Old Sam stepped into a patch of sunlight from a boarded-up window and the sunbeam streamed through Old Sam rendering him partly transparent.

            “Well, I told you two boys I’d been here a long while,” he said as the two brothers gaped. “I suppose I’m set in my ways, but I do intend to stay. And I can be a help, you’ll see.” He walked over to the kitchen door, turned and winked at Phil. “You don’t have a girl named Alice, do you?” Then, Old Sam blurred and was gone.

            Nick and Phil silently stared at the doorway, then at each other. Phil reached for a chair and sat down. Nick sat down on the floor.

            The first two weeks after they opened the café had gone pretty well for Nick and Phil. Business was brisk and they’d even got a nice review from the newspaper over in Wichita. Between the truckers and people from the neighboring towns, to say nothing of the farmers they had a steady customer base. That particular evening was busy and Melinda, one of the waitresses they’d hired walked up to Nick who was behind the register.

            “Hey, Nick,” she said. “The ice machine broke down again, right during a rush.”

            “Uh, it’s okay,” Nick said. “I have someone on it. It should be working now.”

            “Well, I hope he gets here soon because…well sonofagun! It is working again!” Melissa said. “I didn’t even see the repairman come in!”

            “It’s this guy we have, Old Sam.” Nick said nonchalantly. “When he wants to be, he’s practically invisible.”

 

                                                —end—

 

Author’s Note: Again, the story went longer than I intended (800 + words) but it still looks good.  Oh, and the picture was taken by me.

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Rhapsody In Green, for Monday June 19, 2017

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Rhapsody In Green

By Jeff Baker

“One! Two! One! Two!”

Karl grunted as he pulled himself up over and over. Doing sit ups on the edge of a puddle. Yeah. Great.

“Up! Down! Up! Down!” the man standing over him said. “And I don’t want to see you getting wet.”

Except for all this sweat, Karl thought. No wonder they call them fatigues.

“All right. Pushups now! On your belly, face over the puddle. Ready? Up. Down. Up. Down.”

Great, Karl thought, bringing his nose close to the water. His muscles were burning.

“Keep those elbows at right angles! You’re starting over and you’re giving me fifty!” said the man. “Up! Down! Up! Down!”

Karl grunted again and started counting from one, just barely missing the puddle. Fifty pushups later, Karl thought he was going to get a breather. Instead, he was running in place. After a few minutes, the two of them jogged down the road together, the older man singing out lines and Karl dutifully repeating;

“Don’t tell me I’ve had enough!”

“I am young and not so tough!”

“They say Marines are awfully rough!”

“Army’s made of sterner stuff!”

They jogged onto the gravel of a playground and Karl was ordered to do pullups on a set of bars, more pushups and more running. Finally Karl sat on the ground and waved his hand.

“Okay, okay! Time out!” Karl sputtered between gasps.

The man grinned. “They won’t give you a time out in the Army!”

“Yeah, Dad, I know!” Karl said, almost laughing. The ground felt good.

“You still thinking about joining up next year after graduation?” Karl’s Dad asked.

Karl nodded. “Yeah, I know it’s not like R.O.T.C. And hey, thanks for the preview.”

“You know you’ll have to shave off that beard!” Karl’s Dad said.

“Hey, I’m going retro! This is my hippie phase!” Karl said standing up. “Think the Army’s ready for me?”

“They were barely ready for me!” Karl’s Dad laughed.

The two men walked back to their house in the summer afternoon, the future stretching ahead of them.

 

—end—

 

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The Pale Cast of Thought—flash fiction for Monday, June 12, 2017

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                                        The Pale Cast of Thought

                                                By Jeff Baker

                                               

 

            The phone rang as he was dreaming he was playing Kasparov. Koznowski rolled over and a hoarse voice called out his name.

            “Leonid!”

            “Bronson. Do you know what time it is?”

            “It’s an emergency, Leonid,” Bronson said. “You need to get over here.”

            “Here, where?” Koznowski asked.

            “The Auditorium! He wants to talk to you!”

            “Who wants to talk to me?” Koznowski asked, his eyes blearily focusing on the hotel alarm clock: 2:57.

            “Aaron!” Bronson said. “He’s upset about the match and about losing to you! He says it shouldn’t have happened.”

            Koznowski smiled to himself. The match had gone well; at least the audience had been pleased.

            “Aaron is despondent. Aaron is talking about ending it all!” Bronson said.

            “Aaron is a computer,” Koznowski said. “Computers don’t get despondent. Computers don’t talk about ending it all.”

            “This one does!” Bronson said. “He wouldn’t shut down when we tried shutting him down for the night! And now he’s talking about erasing all his files! He’s locked us out of his system. We can’t even hack our way in.”

            “And he wants to talk to me?” Koznowski sighed.

            “Only you! He’s insistent! Nobody else!” Bronson’s voice was pleading. He’d probably been pleading a lot; he was getting hoarser.

            “All right, I’ll be there,” Koznowski said, swinging his feet over the side of the bed. He hoed it was a dream. If it was, Kasparov might be waiting at the auditorium instead of Bronson.

            The Auditorium at Kuyper University was a dark bulk at that hour. Inside, the only lights were on the stage. Bronson was pacing nervously in front of the glistening box that housed Aaron. Bronson looked up, saw Koznowski started to say something, thought the better of it and gestured towards the chair opposite Aaron. Then he rushed off the stage.

            “Mister Koznowski,” Aaron’s voice, sounding not at all artificial came from the speakers. “Good of you to come.”

            “Hello, Aaron,” Koznowski said. “I hear you wanted to see me.”

            “You are a better chess-player than I. that is not supposed to be possible,” Aaron said.

            “Nobody wins all the time,” Koznowski said sitting down.

            “I am not programmed to lose,” Aaron said. “I literally know everything about this game. In losing to you, I was proved faulty. I should be discontinued.”

            Koznowski didn’t know what to say. He kept remembering Hamlet’s soliloquy and the words “the pale cast of thought” kept running through his head. So did the meaning of “To be or not to be.” He’d memorized that speech in High School. And memories began to flood his mind. So, Koznowski began to talk. All the successes, all the failures and setbacks (there had been more of them) all the times he had considered giving up. All the reasons he had kept going. He had kept working at his career; grit his teeth, taken day jobs, subsisted on cheap corn dogs.

            He kept talking through the night, and was feeling talked-out when he saw daylight under the doors to the auditorium. Finally, Aaron spoke up.

            “I understand what you are saying, Mr. Koznowski,” Aaron said. “Defeat and failure are not unique. They are part of the human experience.”

            “Yes,” Koznowski said. “They are.”

            “I think I should shut down now,” Aaron said. “To live to fight another day.”

            There was a buzzing and whirring from the box.

            “To sleep, perchance to dream.” Aaron said. After a moment, the only noise on the stage was a low hum as one light steadily blinked.

            Koznowski silently passed Bronson, who looked relieved, and headed back to his hotel. He had a flight to catch, but instead he pulled the drapes and went back to bed. In his dreams he was playing Kasparov and Aaron.

 

                                                —end—

           

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