Man, About the House…

By Jeff Baker

“I’m not going back in that apartment,” Rich said. “And that’s final. It’s getting embarrassing!”

“It’s not gonna happen again, I promise,” Johnny said.

“Chris should never have fixed me up like that! I mean, Joseph is a nice guy, but I wasn’t interested.” Rich said.

“You’re straight,” Johnny said.

“Yeah, really not interested,” Rich said grinning.

“But, you know if you want to keep living there you have to keep telling people you’re gay.” Johnny said.

“I know, I know. My life is a seventies sitcom. I keep expecting the celibate landlord to show up,” Rich said.

“Unlikely.” Johnny. “Since the landlord is a corporation off in Tokyo.”

Rich and Johnny had been best friends since junior high. He’d shown up on Johnny’s doorstep three months ago after being tossed out of his old apartment by his now ex-girlfriend. At first, Rich had just crashed in their guest room, but Johnny and his roommate Chris liked having somebody to split the rent with. The only hitch was the Harvey Milk Apartments had strict rules about tenants. You had to be gay to actually live there. Most of the time it was no hassle; Rich just told people he was between relationships.

Last night, however, Chris had surprised them with a triple date. It had been too sudden for Rich to beg off. Joseph (his date) had been a nice guy and (thank God) was from out of state.

Rich had faked a headache and left the restaurant early. Right now he was sitting on a bench on the beach. Johnny had tracked him down. No big trick when the bench was about fifteen yards from the apartment building.

“I’m seriously thinking about camping out here,” Rich said. “Then finding someplace else tomorrow.”

“Aw, c’mon!” Johnny said. “You can’t bail on us! That dating thing wasn’t Chris’ fault! His boss wanted Chris to take out whatsisname. The other guys came with the package.”

“And that’s actually the closest to a date I’m probably going to have!” Rich said.

“Yeah, and the guy Chris fixed me up with smelled like he hadn’t washed in a week!”

“I couldn’t tell,” Rich said grinning, “Joseph had layered on the aftershave—I couldn’t smell anything else!” The two of them laughed for a minute.

“So, you still staying with us?” Johnny asked, putting an arm around his old buddy.

“Why not?” Rich said. “Besides, we’ll be home in time to catch all the old reruns on cable.”

—end—

I’ll thank my hubby Darryl for this one—he wondered about a gay version of a certain hit T.V. show from the late ’70’s. Hence, this tale!