He Knows If You’ve Been Bad or Good


More Monday Flash Fiction (Amazed I got it done, I actually lost the original manuscript of this!)

He Knows If You’ve Been Bad or Good

By Jeff Baker


Eddie pulled the boat up to the dock.

“About time!” Gene said, his glowering red face matching his red Santa Claus suit. “Hurry up and tie that thing to the dock. Did you bring any clothes?”

“Just mine,” Eddie said. Gene was six-three, Eddie was five-eight. The clothes wouldn’t fit. Eddie was trying not to laugh.

“One ‘Ho-Ho-Ho,’ and I’ll dump you in the lake,” Gene said.

“You know, I don’t get it,” Eddie said as he tied the boat to the dock. “Gwen’s brother had this place stocked with all kinds of stuff, canned goods, bottled water, liquor…”

“And several hundred thousand in cash remember?” Gene said.

“Can’t forget that!” Eddie said. “How much is left anyway?”

“A couple of thousand,” Gene said.

“Anyway, he has all that stuff here and the only clothes he saves are long johns and a Santa suit.”

“And the long johns are too hot, my suit I had on when I dumped the boat shrank and my other clothes are at the bottom of the drink,” Gene said. “You got your key?”

“Always,” Gene said, tapping the chain around his neck. They’d been meeting for three years while Gwen’s brother was in the clink, using their keys to unlock the two padlocks they’d put on the steel box in the back room. Taking small amounts of the money and spending it discreetly so as not to arouse suspicion. The cops didn’t know about the cabin.

Eddie grabbed a beer from the cabin’s fridge. They were both anxious to get at the last of the loot. They pulled the cover off the box and after a few fumbling moments unlocked the padlocks and opened the lid.

There was a cough behind them. They turned their heads.

In the door stood a man flashing a badge and a gun.

“Detective Frederick Sebastian,” the man said. “Hands up. We’ve been tracking you folks for months.”

As the detective led them into the waiting police boat, Gene asked how they found them.

“Following you after we found out you two were spreading that money,” the detective said. “It did take us a bit.”

“But how did you know that was the money Gwen’s brother stole?” Eddie asked.

“Stole?” Sebastian laughed as the other officer started the boat’s engine. “He’s not in prison for stealing; he’s in prison for counterfeiting!”

As the boat roared off, Officer Sebastian was humming “Here Comes Santa Claus.”




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3 Responses to He Knows If You’ve Been Bad or Good

  1. rltharp67 says:

    Lol…..love this one!

    Ricky L Tharp

    If A Person Is Known As A Man Of Integrity, Even His Enemies Trust Him!


  2. Lila Leigh says:

    Love it! Did expect the twist at the end.

    • jeffbaker307 says:

      Thanks! Didn’t know where it was going, it became an “Alfred Hitchcock Presents” kind of story. Irony: I posted it late at night watching “Alfred Hitchcock Presents.” Oh, and all the names have connections to Santa Claus, including “Gene” (Autry) and “Eddie”(Edmund)”Gwenn.”

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