And the Dish Ran Away With the Spoon

by Jeff Baker

AUTHOR’S NOTE: The draws for the July 2026 Flash Fiction Draw Challenge were: A Comedy, set in a Walk-In-Freezer, involving a Book Of Stamps. I pulled these private eye characters of mine out of mothballs and set them on the case! —–jeff

“Are you sure about this?” Josh asked his husband Adam as they walked through the dimly-lit back hallway.

“As sure as I’ve ever been,” Adam said, trying not to trip over any of the boxes of canned goods stored illegally on the hallway floor.

“Oh that’s reassuring,” Josh said sarcastically, resisting the urge to turn on his flashlight.

In the years they’d run their own private detective agency being sure of something usually meant a disaster.

“And if someone stops us we’re looking for…” Adam said.

“…restroom, right. Got it.” Josh said.

“Stolen stamps,” Adam said. “Should be easy, right?”

“Mmm.” Josh said. “A lot easier than crouched in the bushes spying on errant husbands or staking out a wedding.”

“Yeah, getting our clothes covered in little wedding sandwiches or leaves and mud.” Adam said.

The stolen stamps were rare and valuable. Part of an inheritance, they’d been discovered stolen before the will had been read. Stolen and hidden.

The heirs had hired Josh and Adam to find the stamps. Then the detectives got a big boost when one of the thieves stupidly texted everybody in his Contacts list, telling them the item was hidden “in the walk-in freezer.” In a freezer bag, of course.

Josh’s Granddad had told him long ago that the clever criminal was a character only in fiction.

It had been easy finding out that the suspect had worked in a restaurant and sports bar downtown. Josh and Adam had shown up in the afternoon, sat down at a table, placed an order and snuck back towards the kitchen. They weren’t too worried about being caught; the restaurant was understaffed.

“Doesn’t help that one of their guys is on the run right now.”

The kitchen reminded them of every restaurant kitchen they’d worked in or been in. Cutting boards, dishwasher, sinks, big ovens, pots and pans hanging from above. Freshly washed plates stacked on shelves. And fortunately the cook was up front grilling. They could smell and hear it.

“If we’re caught, that’s us,” Josh whispered.

Adam nodded and pointed toward the back. A short hallway beside the refrigerator door in the wall. They could glimpse another big metal door to a walk-in, doubtless the freezer.

“Hey!” The yell came from a man standing in the doorway, dressed for a production of “Guys And Dolls.” He was pulling a pistol out of his jacket pocket.

Josh reacted instinctively; he grabbed one of the plates and tossed it like a frisbee, aiming for the gun.

It smacked the man squarely in the crotch.

He doubled over, firing the gun, the bullet hitting the baseboard.

Josh and Adam half ran half jumped the guy, basically dogpiling him and pinning him to the floor.

“Really hope he’s the guy we’re after.” Josh said.

“Yeah,” Adam said.

The cook came in from the front of the kitchen at the same time a waitress walked into the kitchen.

“I heard a gunshot,” the waitress said nonchalantly. “Or was that the ice machine again?”

“This guy’s a thief,” Adam said.

“We’re private detectives.” Josh said. “He just tried to shoot us!”

“Call the police!” Adam said.

“Good,” the waitress said. “That’s my boss you’re sitting on. This is the only way we’re gonna be rid of the S.O.B.”

After the police arrived, Josh, Adam and one of the officers made a thorough search of the walk-in freezer for the stamps.

Nothing.

“The guy said he’d hidden the stamps in the walk-in freezer,” Josh said.

“In an envelope in a freezer bag,” Adam said.

“To come back for it later.” Josh said.

They grinned at each other. Finishing each other’s sentences.

“Sarge.” That was one of the young officers, standing in the open doorway of the back door just down the hall from the freezer. “I think you better come and see this.”

The men stepped outside.

Just past the dumpster in the fenced-in lot were an array of restaurant surplus walk-in freezers, ready to be installed. Safely padlocked.

Josh quickly counted. Eighteen of them. Thankfully none of them were actually turned on.

The Sergeant sighed. “Max,” he said to the young officer. “Get the metal cutters from the squad car.”

“Looks like it’s gonna be a long night,”Josh said.

Adam glanced up and saw a pale Moon in the blue afternoon sky.

“And the dish ran away with the spoon,” he quoted for no reason.

“Hopefully not into someone’s crotch,” Josh said with a grin.

—end—