And Now When David Banner Grows Angry Or Outraged A Startling Metamorphosis Occurs
By Jeff Baker
You see a lot of things when you drive a cab for a living and although I have never held that particular occupation, I have heard from those who have that the claim is no exaggeration. I am going to tell you the story as I heard it told to me by one of those selfsame cab drivers.
The driver of the yellow cab looks like he could play a kid in a revival of “West Side Story,” but his I.D. says he is 42.
“Look at that!” the Cabbie said. “It’s really coming down, isn’t it?”
“Glad I’m in here,” his passenger says.
“Me too, I need the fare,” the Cabbie says. “And this is a real thrill; I’ve never had a real bear in my cab before. I mean, I had celebrities, like Paul Rodríguez once, but never a bear.”
“I know,” the Bear says. “It breaks with the stereotype, doesn’t it?”
“I know,” the Cabbie says. “I expect bears in the middle of the woods or in a zoo. No offense.”
“None taken,” says the Bear. “I usually don’t come into the city, but I’m here on business.”
“What kind of business?” the Cabbie asks. “Not Wall Street?”
“If it was, I might be riding with a bull,” the bear says. He and the Cabbie both laugh. The Bear scratches the back of his neck. He is a big brown, furry bear, wearing a seatbelt in the back of the cab with a small briefcase on the seat beside it.
“Turn up there will you,” the Bear says, pointing with a furry paw. “That office building on the right.”
“Okay,” says the Cabbie, turning and parking in front of the building.
The Bear pulls out a roll of bills, and hands it to the Cabbie.
“Here, and keep the change,” the Bear says.
“Thanks!” says the Cabbie, for whom tips were as rare as parking spaces outside the stadium during the playoffs.
“I will be on my way,” the Bear says, picking up his briefcase.
“Might want to give that door an extra shove,” the Cabbie says. “I been having trouble with it sticking.”
“All right,” the Bear says. “But it shouldn’t be any, be any…” The Bear is struggling with the handle of the cab door. He grunts and pulls, and then he rolls over on his back and with another grunt, shoves the door with both of his powerful feet. With a loud creaking noise the door pops off its hinges and falls onto the sidewalk in front of the building.
The Bear steps out of the cab, puts the door in the back seat and apologizes to the Cabbie.
“Maybe this will cover it,” the Bear says, handing the Cabbie another roll of bills.
Now, I am not sure exactly what business the Bear had in the city, or where it earned all of that money but as long as he can pay for damages like that and tell a cabdriver to keep the extra, nobody is going to complain!
NOTE: Copied Damon Runyon’s style for this one and had fun doing it! —-jsb