It Takes a Licking  

                                                               By Jeff Baker

            “Okay, it’s ringing.”

            “Yegggh. Whmmm he answrrr, lmmmme tkaaahum!”

            “Hello? Zav! Yeah! It’s me, Barry! Look, uh, I think we may have gotten those instructions messed up. You know the love potion?”

            “Lmmmmme tkaaahummmm!”

            “Well, yeah, it said ‘To Make You Yummy To Him’ on the label. Yeah, I poured some in his coffee and I drank the rest…oh, really? I was the only one who was supposed to drink it? Just a couple of drops in my own coffee?”

            “Stouffa muggafoocha!”

            “Huh? No, Nick didn’t say someone mugged his poodle. Listen, those instructions kind of got scrunched-up in the mail. I’m just glad the bottle was plastic. Look, I…okay. Side effects? If two people both drink too much of the potion and have contact? Stuck to each other? You mean if someone was to lick the other one, his tongue would be stuck to, the other’s face or something?” 

            “Murrrg! Flurrrb! Mooooooofffff!”

            “Yeah. Yeah. That’s what happened. Yes. No, just his tongue. To the side of my face. Stop laughing for a minute. Okay, I’ll wait. Okay. What? I’ll ask. Nick, Zavid wants to know what I tasted like.”

            “MMMMMMMMPH! Glurrrg!”

            “Calm down! Calm down! Look, he asked! Maybe it’ll help.”

            “Puppamunk”

            “Heffalump?”

            “Puppa. Munk.”

            “Oh! Oh! Peppermint! He says peppermint.”

            “Mmmmmph.”

            “Okay. You didn’t need to know that, you were just curious. Look, we paid a hundred bucks for this stuff! We could report you to the Sorcerer’s…huh? No, just the tongue is stuck. What’s that? It’ll wear off? How long?”

            “Murrrgffffthh!”

            “Um, about six hours. Okay. He was going to be here all night anyway. Anything else?”

            “Rofunk! Rofunk!”

            “Nick wants to know about a refund…hello?”

                                    —end—

AUTHOR’s Note: My Hubby pointed out the similarity to this and a scene in “A Christmas Story.” Me, I think it sounds like a very bizarre Bob Newhart routine. —-jb