The Great Auk Squawks/Rock Chalk Great Auk

by Jeff Baker

Afternoon in Goat’s Town and those dauntless costumed crusaders against crime Captain Ecology and Compost Boy are cruising the snowy streets in the Ecolo-Car.

(Not that kind of cruising.)

What makes this Wintry scene unusual is that it’s the middle of July!

“Icy streets in mid-July,” Compost Boy said over-enthusiastically. “Golly, Captain Ecology, this is way off-base.”

“Not in the Antipodean countries where they get Winter while we’re having summer but you’re right. This is unusual.” Captain Ecology said.

“It must be some dastardly super-villain responsible for this, maybe Doctor Icicle!” Compost Boy said.

“You could be right,” Captain Ecology said. “But I’m not sure that…”

His comment was interrupted by a beeping from the dashboard.

“I got it,” Compost Boy said as he flipped the switch. A familiar evil laugh filled the car.

“Auk! Auk! Auk! Attention, you ecologically sound do-gooders! I’m messing with your precious environment!”

“The Great Auk!” Captain Ecology said, his eyes narrowing.

“Yes,” the voice from the speaker sneered. “And I’m using my electro-environment destabilizer to change the climate! Auk! Auk! Auk! Goat’s Town will be a solid block of ice unless the city pays me One-Milli…I mean, an unspecified sum!”

“You fiend!” Captain Ecology said gripping the steering wheel.

“And if you try to stop me, you’ll become environmentally friendly popsicles! Auk! Auk! Auk!”

There was a beep as the Great Auk hung up.

“Golly, Captain Ecology, how are we going to stop him?” Compost Boy said. “And why did I ever pick a costume where I’m in short pants all the time?”

“I’m sure President Carter would be fine with you turning up the heat in the Ecolo-Car this one time,” Captain Ecology said. “And while you’re at it, turn on the Ecco-Excess-Energy Tracker.”

“Which he installed instead of a tape deck,” Compost Boy muttered to himself. “Oh well, at least I get girls and guys checking me out in these shorts.”

(Okay, maybe one of them is cruising.)

About fifteen minutes later the Ecolo-Car pulled into the parking lot of a gas station with signs advertising snacks and cold drinks and small round tables covered with metal beach umbrellas outside. The umbrellas were covered with snow.

“Those metal umbrellas are clearly the Great Auk’s disguised transmitters,” Captain Ecology sad.

“Once we put him out of commission we can put these out of commission!” Compost Boy said, punching his fist into his other hand.

“Or just make Auk show us the off switch,” Captain Ecology said.

Captain Ecology and Compost Boy walked into the snack area filled with shelves of chips and candy. They spotted a bearded figure in a company uniform behind a checkout counter.

“Hold it right there, Great Auk!” Captain Ecology shouted. “We see right through your disguise!”

“We’re gonna make you extinct!” Compost Boy yelled triumphantly.

“Nevermind,” the Great Auk said pulling off the fake nose and beard. “We’re all in trouble now. I was just handed these.”

The Great Auk tossed them pieces of paper. Captain Ecology quickly read through it.

“A copyright notice,” he sighed.

“I bet it was that prefacing everything with Ecolo that did it,” Compost Boy said.

“Auk! Auk! Auk!” The Great Auk squawked.

—end—