The Chicken’s Big Cluck/Flat Out Of Luck

by Jeff Baker

The dead of night at Liverwurst Labs at the edge of Goat’s Town. Home to the nation’s preeminent scientists and their cutting edge discoveries. But what’s this? Two familiar figures skulking about in the dark?

“Golly Captain Ecology!” Compost Boy whispered. “Why are we staking out the Labs on tonight of all nights?”

“My sources tell me that The Chicken Queen has been nesting in Goat’s Town, and with his vast intellect and thirst for power the labs are his most likely target.” Captain Ecology said. “Why their work on computers alone could…Compost Boy are you all right?”

“Uh, yeah, Cap. It’s just that…well I guess…”

“There you are, caped do-gooders!” came the familiar, nasal voice, a voice somehow tinged with a leer. Captain Ecology thought it sounded like the actor who was in the center of that tick-tack-toe game show. “I’ve got the plans for the technology that will revolutionize storing information right here in my grubby hand!”

He was wearing a dark blue suit, a thin mask over his eyes and a shirt emblazoned with a yellow chicken emblem. He laughed evilly and nasally as he waved a sheaf of papers.

“And I’ll destroy it all unless you give me what I want!” The Chicken Queen laughed again. Again evilly and nasally.

“What could we possibly give a megalomaniac like you?” Captain Ecology said through grit teeth.

“Him, that’s what!” said the super villain, pointing at Compost Boy.

“Me? Golly!” Compost Boy said, a shocked look on his masked face.

“You fiend!” Captain Ecology said, striding up to the villain, fists upraised. “How dare you endanger an innocent lad with your…”

“Uh, hold it Captain.” Compost Boy said raising a hand. “Um, everything’s fine. I don’t think those are the plans of anything.”

“What?” Captain Ecology said.

“Remember that long phone call I made this afternoon? That was, uh, with him.” Compost Boy pointed at the Chicken Queen. “We kind of set this up.”

“Set this up?” Captain Ecology said.

“We used to date,” the Chicken Queen said with a shrug.

“Date?!” Captain Ecology said, floored. “I know he plays around but I will not let you soil the innocence of…”

“Hey, I’m twenty-five years old, remember?” Compost Boy said. “And I just work with you, you don’t plan my social life.”

“But this criminal broke in here…” Captain Ecology started to say.

“Not exactly broke in,” Compost Boy said. “He works here.”

“I have a key,” the Chicken Queen said with another shrug.

“Um, so you take the Ecolo-Car back and I’ll call a cab,” Compost Boy said grinning at the Chicken Queen. “Later!”

The Captain gave a halfhearted wave as Compost Boy walked over to the Chicken Queen.

“Hey, you’re not gonna tie me up again are you?” Compost Boy asked.

“Heavens no!” The Chicken Queen said. “A little dinner, some wine, some dancing and then…”

Captain Ecology waved again as the pair walked out of sight. The Nineteen-Seventies were getting weird.

—end—

NOTE: The Chicken Queen character was from an idea by the late Darryl Thompson. Thanks.

—–jeff