Coin Trick

By Jeff Baker

Hank Jones felt ridiculous. The robe was too long and the dark green just wasn’t him. Besides, he’d been a real wizard for over 400 years and he’d never needed to wear a robe with fakey looking stars and moons on it. He sighed and looked out the entrance to the stadium. Nice sized crowd. How had he gotten roped into this?

“Because you’re a nice guy, dammit!” Hank grumbled to himself. And he could blame Xidgious.

All Hank had wanted was to show his new human husband Kenny where he’d grown up. Osmos City (“just to this side of reality down from the convenience store…”) was where they held the semi-annual Festival of Magic, so the two of them decided to take in the show (and avoid the boring workshops and panels.) They’d been seated in the stands, enjoying green popcorn when Hank’s old friend Xidgious had come up to him and practically begged Hank to fill in for the Master Mage from Zenith Valley who was stuck in Zenith Valley until the planets shifted later in the day. They’d had to re-arrange the schedule for the performers that morning and the Mage of Zenith Valley wasn’t supposed to be there for another hour at least, according to the original schedule. So now they had about ten minutes to fill and Xidgious was as panicky as anyone in charge would be.

“Have you ever seen a crowd of rowdy mages, sorcerers and acolytes become bored and impatient?” Xidgious asked, a note of panic in his voices.

Hank was going to mention he’d tried doing comedy at a country-western bar in Kingman, Kansas, but by this time Xidgious was starting to beg, so Hank waved a hand (non-magically) and said the magic words “Okay, I’ll do it.”

Kenny patted him on the back and kissed him for luck and then Xidgious mentioned the “traditional costume.”

And that was how he wound up standing on a sawdust open-air stadium floor dressed for a kid’s movie with hundreds of pairs (and other groupings) of eyes fixed on him.

“Ladies and gentlemen,” Hank said. “You have been cheated out of seeing one of the most wondrous, powerful and dangerous bits of magic available; that of transformation of pure, base elements. A feat which I can not only perform but add to it something more rare and even more dangerous…necromancy!”

There was a gasp from some of the crowd, applause from some of the others. Hank had no idea what the Master Mage of Zenith was planning to do but this got their attention.

“The transformation of base metals into Gold is a powerful art which runs the risk of shaking the laws of physics in the scientific world and the magical world. Do it too much and you run the risk of damaging the Great Balance.” Hank paused. “That’s why most professional Sorcerers accept credit cards.”

Laughter from the audience. Hank could see Kenny laughing and giving him a thumbs-up. If only the crowd at the bar had been so appreciative.

“However, in small portions, it can be done. And I am about to do it for your amazement. In as safe a way as I can.” He scanned the audience with his eyes. “Is there anyone who has a Gold coin I may borrow? If not, I will have to tap dance for you. Yes, I’m here to kill time!”

There was more laughter from the crowd in the stadium.

After a moment, a greenish young man in the front row waved his hand and called out “I do!”

“Young man, will you please hop over the railing and join me here?”

The teenager did so and there was applause, probably from his school friends.

“Okay,” Hank said. “Your name is?”

“Troponius,” the young man said.

“And are you studying sorcery?” Hank asked.

“Yeah. Iatromancy,” Troponius said, his face blushing a deeper green.

“All right,” Hank said, “now show me the Gold coin but do not hand it to me. I’m glad you are wearing short sleeves.”

Troponius dug into his pouch and pulled out a Golden coin, about the size of a Silver Dollar, Hank thought. Most of the people in the stands had no idea what a Silver Dollar was.

“Show the coin to someone in the audience,” Hank said. Troponius walked over to the railing and held up the coin to the front row.

“Now,” Hank said, “come back here and do me a big favor. Sort of gauge the weight of the coin in your hand.”

The puzzled young man did so.

“Hold your hand out, yes like that, and give me a moment.”

Hank turned to the audience.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I promised you not only transmutation but Necromancy. Ancient and powerful magic invoking the Realm of the Dead. I am empowered to do this, because I am an Underlord of the Lahadnedjj. That last word meaning, of course, Lord of Death.”

There were a few more gasps from the crowd.

Hank smiled to himself. All it meant was he had a sorcerous Engineering Degree. But he could pull off a little Necromatic magic.

“Thus, I have powers which I must use regularly, not just the Necromantic ones.” Hank said. “Or they start working on their own. You’ve seen ‘Bewitched,’ right? When magic goes haywire?”

Laughter from the crowd.

“So, here go some wonders,” Hank said. He pointed at the Gold coin in the shaking teenager’s hand and spoke.

“I do call through all the Dead

Transform this Golden coin to Lead!”

There was a silvery flash in Troponius’ hand. Hank stepped closer and examined the coin.

“Troponius, would you show this coin to the audience?” Hank said in a loud voice.

The young man did, holding the grey disc up and then showing it close-up to the front row of the stadium.

“And I ask you, young student of sorcery, to weigh the lead coin in your hand and tell us if it feels lighter or heavier?” Hank said.

Troponius stared for an instant, unsure that anyone was talking to him. Then he blinked a couple of times and nodded. He held the coin in his palm, raised it up and down and grinned.

“Lighter!”

Hank smiled. There was a smattering of applause from the stadium crowd.

Hank gestured at the young man to hold the lead coin in his outstretched palm.

“And now,” Hank said, “I restore the balance, through my Necromantic Art, by doing the feat many sorcerers attempted to find for years.” Hank got theatrical, raised his hands and made sure he spoke in a voice with an echo:

“Through the name of Death so bold

Transmute this Leaden coin to Gold!”

Everyone in the stadium sat breathless for a moment.

Then there was a clap of thunder in the cloudless sky. There was a bright, golden flash in Troponius’ hand and a brief puff of smoke from his palm that was shaped like a skull.

Hank bit his tongue. He hadn’t expected that.

“So, Treph…uh, young man, will you show the coin to the audience?” Hank said. Troponius was less surprised than he was. He held up the coin which was glistening Gold.

Applause again.

Hank grabbed the young man’s hand and they bowed to the stadium crowd.

Hank made his way back to sit with his husband Kenny as the Wizard of Water took the stage and conjured up a controlled monsoon.

Hank and Kenny kissed as the spray of water covered them.

“I swear, next time Xidgious asks me to cover for an act that didn’t show, I’m gonna tap dance!” Hank said, conjuring up an umbrella.

—end—

AUTHOR’S NOTE: This is a sort of sequel to the 1973 TV cartoon “Mission; Magic!” episode “Modran.” I wondered what happened at the competition after the cheating wizard Modran had been disqualified. Having done shows (not magic!) where we had to replace somebody on the schedule quick, I thought of this. It got a little long but was fun to do! ——jeff

For more of Hank and Kenny’s adventures, check this from RoMMantic Reads: https://rommanticreads.wordpress.com/2023/06/17/jeff-baker-make-me-immortal-with-a-kiss/