The Flip Side of Kipling

by Mike Mayak

AUTHOR’S NOTE: The draws for the July 2023 Flash Fiction Draw Challenge were a “Just So Story” set at a Radio Station involving a plastic elephant. I’m a huge Kipling fan (author of the “Just So” stories) and so I combined that with the setup of an episode of the old “Night Gallery” TV show. Here it is.

Artie Magruder had been working the night shift at station KIPP for five months and he was bored out of his mind.

His boss, Mr. Jorkens, was a nut on Rudyard Kipling. The mascot of the station was “Ruddy,” the plastic elephant that sat in the front hallway. The format was, as his boss described it: “Real easy listening.” In other words, a few cuts below elevator music.

So, Artie sat in the booth, made inane prattle between records hawking the sponsor’s products and thinking about how he had a damn degree in communications, and he had a voice. He should be doing something else with his talents.

One night, he’d had enough. He interrupted the record he was playing and spoke directly to the listening audience.

“This is Artie Magruder, with a message of vital importance. I call it a Just-So story from this Just-So-So station. This is the story of how the elephant got its plastic.

In the old days of course, all the elephants were made of elephant hide. But one elephant, named Ruddy, wanted to be different.

Ruddy didn’t want to be a real elephant anymore.

So, he got on the internet (the font of all knowledge) and he looked up How Not To Be a Real Elephant.

And he found that things that weren’t real were plastic. So to become plastic, he had to go to someplace that would make him feel not real. So he came here to this radio station and stood in the lobby and soon he turned into plastic. Artificial!

And you know what, ladies and gentlemen? That’s how I feel sitting here every night spinning these damned discs. Plastic! Fake! Artificial! So I’m going to leave right now and I’m going to become a real elephant, a real person again.

But I’m not leaving you alone, Mr. and Mrs. America. Hold on just a minute.”

Artie ran out of the broadcast booth and out into the lobby. He grabbed the plastic elephant which was three feet tall and dragged it into the booth to where his microphone was.

“This is Ruddy the Elephant. He’s going to be sitting in for me for the rest of the night. I’ll start this record and he can handle the rest. Because I’m going back into the real world.”

Artie pushed the button and started the CD player.

“Goodnight, Mr. and Mrs America,” he said. “That’s Just So.”

—end—

——for Jack Laird, Artie Johnson and Rod Serling